the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
