My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
