Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
