whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
