FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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