so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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