My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
