A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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