You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
