Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
