my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My dick has a subreddit
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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