i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
