i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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