Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
