We need to rekindle our bromance
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
