Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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