I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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