pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
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Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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