She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize