please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
