I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
