Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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