He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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