look no pants
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
