Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
