How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
