I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize