This girl is more easily done than said...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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