I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
