my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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