Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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