the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
