his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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