she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
