why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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