I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
