i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you had me at cake vodka
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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