Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
