I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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