We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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