Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
