they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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