i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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