You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
