I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
