Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
