She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
