my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
