i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
