i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
