white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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