We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
