I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
