We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
