She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
