if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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