I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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