I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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