she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
