there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
