grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
