she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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