I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
