either way he was missing a nipple.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
