so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
