I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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